Kick Ass

nothing ventured, nothing gained?

2006-04-07T23:47:00.000+08:00

it has been a pretty blah week.
assignments, exams,
quizzes, unfathomable people,

and no sight of him.

to or not to?

2006-04-05T16:22:00.000+08:00

yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no
yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no yes no

yes? no?
should i?
dear jo suggested a lunch.
...umm...not a good idea?
mmm...MSN then???

dilemma. dilemma. dilemma.

Rebirth

2006-04-03T22:11:00.000+08:00

Dear girls,

boys, cats, fellow beings

and other creatures:

I'm back!

2005-11-26T14:58:00.000+08:00

Dreams are nothing more than wishes
And a wish's just a dream you wish to come true

Milo

2005-10-24T19:55:00.000+08:00

Milo

Welcome to the family.

(Piccies will be up later)

I'm still alive

2005-10-24T18:38:00.000+08:00

To all old farts, fag hags, giggolo pimps, and what-nots:
This is pretty random.
But I'm here to assure you of my continued, and ridiculous existence.
I'm still here!

LiveJournal

2005-10-10T19:36:00.000+08:00

Add me at LJ if you have accounts!
(daydreamsindec)
It's a possible farewell for me here at blogspot.
Don't gape with your mouths wide open if one day you find me no more.

Chocoholic Heaven

2005-09-26T22:23:00.000+08:00

For a little slice of chocoholic paradise, try Beard Papa's Fondant Chocolate.
Step 1) Purchase it.
Step 2) Shuff in into a microwave.
Step 3) Let it be microwaved for 10 seconds or less.
Step 4) Spoon gooey, bittersweet, sticky chocolate cake into your mouth.
Step 5) Let it melt into perfection!
Step 6) Savour it!

6 little steps to heaven for just $2.60!

Headache

2005-09-22T22:53:00.000+08:00

Essay has been done and over with finally.
Collapsed in bed and ended up in a 5 hour nap.
Ever heard of hangovers? Something like that.
They have been occurring pretty frequent recently.
I look like death.
I will survive.
Yeah.

Too Far Gone

2005-09-14T18:50:00.000+08:00

I can't be perfect.

I'm Back

2005-09-06T11:47:00.000+08:00

Just to say.....
I'm back.

Countdown to Thailand

2005-08-31T15:18:00.000+08:00

10 things that spell d-i-s-a-s-t-r-o-u-s:

1) Had sadistically warped dreams last night.
Does it gotta do with the Seventh Month?
Urrghhhh.
2) Insomnia has led to huge painful shit pimples all over.
I pray hope they will shrink their asses off. Grrrrr.
3) Having giddy spells and starry moments.
It's the weather, I tell ya. I can combust in this heat.
4) Dad is running an awfullll cold. Get well soon!
5) Luggage is spilling un-organised all over the bed. Bring bolster along? Whooopeee-doo.
6) I miss Squirt AGAIN. A psycho friend recommended rat-purchasing in Thailand to keep me company.
7) Lapsing into depression. I know it when I see only knifes.
8) So bored till I resort to writing farty blog entries.
9) Newly arrived grad photos totally sark. I'd rather you not ask, you know.
10) I AM FAT. FAT FAT FAT.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day with some deserved retail therapy.
Till then, farewell.
And break a leg!

Happy Birthday

2005-08-29T20:45:00.000+08:00

Happy Birthday.

Squirt

2005-08-28T21:56:00.000+08:00

In loving memory of Squirt who passed away this afternoon:
I will miss you.

Monsoon

2005-08-26T11:49:00.000+08:00

Yesterday a girl from Monsoon came up to me and begged me to be her hair model for permed hair. How. Interesting.

Love

2005-08-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

love is pain; and pain is love.

Happy Birthday

2005-08-22T22:44:00.000+08:00

Many thanks to Jac, Jo, Ken, Yang, & Cheryl for that really PLEASANT SURPRISE.
Yang entertaining his Dad's guests?! My Asssssssssssss.
Especially Jac who took so much effort just to organise, buy the cake, present and card.
Had a great time at Party World.
Don't forget to delete those horrific pictures of me!

Right and Wrong

2005-08-11T19:22:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you just meet the wrong people at the right time
and the right people at the wrong time.
Why?

Golden Ticket

2005-08-10T18:09:00.000+08:00

I want this!
Hahahahahahaha.
Cool eh?

Squirt's New Home

2005-08-07T15:01:00.000+08:00

Squirt's got a new home.
It's ridiculous actually.
Practically an upgrade from a Atap Hut with a tree trunk to
a friggin' mansion with a slide, a bottle, TWO levels, a super huge wheel
with his favourite tree trunk. ;)
The guy just couldn't stop bouncing around.
I think he was just too excited.
Mmmmm.
Now, now.
Does it mean anything when he wags his tail?

Charlie and His Chocolate Factory

2005-08-05T23:09:00.000+08:00

Charlie and The Chocolate Factory.
Or rather, HIS chocolate factory.
That lucky skinny little maggot.
It was worth my $$$, I would say.
A little over-hyped but I loved that it was kept short and sweet.
The Oompa Loompas were rather hilarious during the spoof song segments.
Imagine water-sychronising in a chocolate river!
Even evil Saruman is in the show too! HAHA.
Now I'm craving for gobstoppers, nerds and ALOT of chocolate.
All thanks to Willy.

Yubba-Dubba-Doo!

2005-07-29T20:39:00.000+08:00

Yubba-Dubba-Doo!
I'm back to rock and roll.
The feeling of getting to use the computer
again is gggg-reat.
Graduation was yesterday and I missed the chance to take
photos with ALOT of people.
That's really sad.
A once in a lifetime opportunity and I miss it.
Sad.

Retard computer is down

2005-07-14T20:06:00.000+08:00

Kind folks,
The computer is down and out.
Taking a forced hiatus until the bro comes back from Thailand
on the 28th of July which happens to be Grad Day. Hu-rrah.
Till then, take care all and I'll see ya soon.

Hugs from Squirt and Me.

Mad Cute

2005-07-07T17:12:00.000+08:00

Squirt's just awfully mad cute.

He is my new baby pet mouse.

Just look at that button nose!

Lose Some Darn Weight

2005-06-29T17:37:00.000+08:00

lose weight lose weight lose weight lose weight lose weight lose weight lose weight lose weight

That's my resolution.
Try harder.

Wheels on the Bus

2005-06-26T20:13:00.000+08:00

"Friendship is just like a bus. Many people will get in and hop out along the journey. But some will stay till the very end."

Life

2005-06-26T19:58:00.000+08:00

Life is a permanent bitch.
I should really know, don't I?
Many a times all of us have always pondered over the real meaning of life.
Yet, we'll never know the answer.

Movie Review

2005-06-23T20:50:00.000+08:00

Initial D.
Opens today.
I give it 5 out of 5.
One for the humour,
One for the racing scenes,
One for cool cars,
One for the brilliant directing,
The last one for the cast, especially the boys.
Jay, Edison, the works.
Went stark-raving mad.
Friend and I were gushing like a couple of
star-struck salivating desperados.
All Hail Initial D!

A Letter to Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes

2005-06-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

To Tom & Yippee-I-Am-Mrs-Cruise-No.3-Katie:

I'm very happy to see the both of you in so much love. You are getting married and the world congratulates you. Just one thing, stop the morbid mushy-ness and the OTT "I am the luckiest man/woman in the universe" publicity. You can propose to her in a rubber dingy in the middle of the Indian Ocean or on top of a coconut tree for all I care. Being in love is being in love, but please do us a favour and spare us the mush. It's getting a little O-V-E-R. Hope this little marriage thing will work out. *Shrugs*

Sincerely,
Dionne

Initial D

2005-06-22T23:09:00.000+08:00

Finally!
I have been waiting spastic-ly like some desperately
hungry flea who is sex-starved .
It's showtime!

Hallelujah

2005-06-20T16:45:00.000+08:00

Halleujah.
Praise the Lord.
66%!
I passed Microecons!
I know I can pull through this semester.
I can.
I will.

Crystal Ball Clear

2005-06-13T20:23:00.000+08:00

I'm a cynic when it comes to many things.
I am still and probabaly will remain one for as long as I live.
My conscience says I may be too bloody cynical for mine, and other's good.
But I'm just being sensibly circumspect!
Argh.
My petty conscience is already
rebelling, "BOLLOCKS!!! Absolute bollocks!"
But I'm crystal-ball clear that it's best to prepare when reality strikes
before it hits you hard on the balls.
Reality leaves no mercy.
All thanks to it, I'm such a hard head.
Try me.

Off to the Hospital

2005-06-10T21:16:00.000+08:00

Grandpa's off to the hospital again.
The ambulance seems to be such a
frequent sight nowadays.
I wish him well.
Hope he's fine.

Dionne

2005-06-09T14:20:00.000+08:00

Look at this!
Now, isn't it lovely?
Custom made all for little missy me.
I'm going to have a huge hole in my pocket.
Uh-oh.

Bohemia

2005-06-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

would you
join me on a crusade
or take flight, an escapade
with white fluffy clouds o'er our heads
we'll ride wild white horses without aim
spend our lives dancing and drinking rain
watch other worlds crash in through window panes
and paint rainbows that will never fade
now would you.

I Want to Save the World Part 2

2005-06-06T12:17:00.000+08:00

Little Superhero Girl - Corrinne May

I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world
Everybody wants a piece of me
And i just dont know where to turn
I've got work piled up to my head
All i want to do is jump into bed
And wash away my troubles with lemonade
Play hide and seek with the boy next door
Take a trip to Singapore and
Imagine how i'll make the world a better place

All I need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All i need is a small weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space

I'm gonna be a superhero
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Yeah

If I were a little girl
Trying to clean up the whole wide world
I'd kick the bad boys back to school
Teach them fighting's just not cool
I'd give every kid a teddy bear
Turn starving people into millionaires
Break glass ceilings with dynamite
sprinkle a little sugar and spice
Turn the bullies that terrorize
into pink poodles that bark,
But don't bite
All i need is a good disguise
One where nobody can recognise
That I'm feeling so small
All i need is a secret weapon
I've gotta have faith
Zapping monsters into outer space

I'm gonna be a superhero
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na
Yeah

Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save Me
Little Superhero Girl
Little Superhero Girl
Save me from myself
I feel like a little girl
Trying to conquer the whole wide world

I Want to Save the World

2005-06-06T00:10:00.000+08:00

I want to save the world if I could.
Maybe transform into batgirl, spiderwoman, or superwoman.
Or even a powerpuff kid.
If all else fails, I'll try saving myself first.
The mid-terms are in less than 2 weeks.
Good idea.

A Bad Day

2005-05-31T14:31:00.000+08:00

A bad day.
A real bad day.
What happened to my coin purse?!?!?!?!?
How did it go missing?
I'm so darn upset.
I planned to save some of that money and use some for shopping.
My heart is in turmoil.
Serious.

Mine! Mine! Mine!

2005-05-30T21:42:00.000+08:00

On cloud nine.
This is mine.
Mine.
Mine!
Love at first sight.

Fine.

2005-05-29T19:05:00.000+08:00

Fine.
Just do it your own way.
It's not my life anyhow.
If you feel I'm patronising you, then I'll not say anything anymore.
You don't need to thank me.
I've done my best.
Nonono. Hold it.
I'm the one with the problem.
I care too much.

Pissed to my Toes

2005-05-29T18:52:00.000+08:00

I'm so blardy pissed.
Pissed right down to my toes.
Don't ask me why.
Does a fucking conscience even exist?
I am beginning to doubt so at your actions.
Leave my friend alone.
You, do not deserve someone like her.
A wolf in sheep's clothing.
You had her fooled.
You had me fooled too.
Just what are your intentions?
Hasn't she done enough?
If not,
What is considered enough for you?

Human Mess

2005-05-28T17:32:00.000+08:00

Total human mess at the shoebox sale today.
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
Only us women can do that.
Pushing, jostling, and shouting.
Chaos at its best.
The men will have a definite field time gawking in shock and awe at how females go strangely
berserk at a mega shoe sale.
Total madness.

One Less Career Option

2005-05-26T16:55:00.000+08:00

I've got one less career option to choose from next time.
An Economist.
Econs sucks the life out of me.
It used to be really simple.
Until more and more logic theories piled up.
Just the 4th week of school, and a lot of drama is going on in my lecture theatre.
Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.
Girl thought boy likes her.
Girl don't know boy likes her.
Boy does not want to hurt girl's feelings.
Haha.
It's a crazzzyyy world out there.
Seems like yesterday once more.

Bittersweet Love

2005-05-24T14:52:00.000+08:00

Manchester United.
You obviously didn't have Lady Luck at your side that day.
You were obviously the better team...
But yet, cruel stuff like these still happens.
I would have crippled Jens Lehman's hands if I could.
Never mind.
There's always the new season.
Glory Glory.

My Non-Existent Life

2005-05-21T19:31:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I really wish I could just dig a huge hole and cocoon
myself into it for the rest of my life without coming out.
Sometimes, I really really detest myself.
It's too hard to love yourself whole-heartedly when you're not as near-perfect.
Why ain't I as smart as others?
Why can't I lose the damn excess weight?
Why is my lecturer such an evil witch?
Why? Why? Why?
So many whys and yet too little answers.
I want to see the world through someone else's eyes.

Entrepeuneur Dreams

2005-05-16T14:07:00.000+08:00

Ahhh. Whoahhh. Hmmm. Eeee. Ehhhh. Hoooo. Wowww.
http://mybeadz.blogspot.com

Nice jewellery but I can't exactly afford them.
Oh, be still my heart!
Now now. I can jolly well afford them.
Maybe I should start designing my own line. It's been a while
the inspiration and idea of an online jewellery business has been
swimming in my head.
Isn't that more fabulous?
Hurhur.
Anyone interested in being a partner?
Drop me a note.
;)

Books, books, and even more books.

2005-05-14T16:34:00.000+08:00

English: I can definitely handle topic sentences. But, thesis statements?! Just give me an essay to write, then I'll be fine.
Microeconomics: I hit the textbook at 2pm, gave it up at 2.10pm. The study guide looks a hell lot easier. Econs is definitely not.my.cup.of.tea.
I so won't be looking forward to Macroeconomics.

Cussing my arse off about the only 2 subjects I'll be taking this sem
while browsing through Yahoo auctions now.
I gotta really buck up and go back to work later.
Quizzes have never been this nerve-wrecking.
I have to score 80 marks and above?
Sounds like fun.

Homework and more homework.

2005-05-12T18:18:00.000+08:00

Tons of English homework.
My standard is NOTHING compared to the rest of the cohorde at UB.
Now. That is worrying.
I MUST fight the lazy genes and get to work either later or tommorrow.
Or I'll never finish it in time.
English has never been this stressful.
Shit.

Little Superhero Girl

2005-05-11T19:37:00.000+08:00

"You keep me flying
You keep me smiling
You keep me safe in a crazy world
You understand me
Embrace my fragility
You keep me safe in a crazy world
And in your arms
I find the strength
to believe in me again"

Thanks Pap and Mam.
You brought me into this world and
I can never be more grateful for what you've done.
Smooch.
If I was a little superhero girl, I would try everything
to be most perfect in your eyes.
From the bottom of my heart,
J' t'aime bien.

A New Life

2005-05-10T19:57:00.000+08:00

School has officially started. A UNI-versity student since yesterday. I'm totally glad that my new clique of friends are radically cool and funny people. We have 23 year olds to 18 year olds.
Started the day today with an english diagnostic writing test to see where we stand and to seperate us all into different classes. Later in the day, bumped into what do you know! Mr Syed himself. The guy's turned into my calculus and trigo teacher. No wonder I don't see him anymore in NYP. The guy's still as cute as before. I'm really hoping for a waiver for maths. In fact, I'm praying real hard about it.

Math make me mad.

A B- at least for every subject?
My wildest nightmare starts.
As from today.

Can I not go to school already?

P/S: Thanks babes for all your encouragement and blessings. God bless :)

Deep Fried Live

2005-05-05T15:37:00.000+08:00

That silly bunch of an octopus makes me guffaw.
Check him out.
http://www.deepfriedlive.com/

Asshole

2005-05-02T22:51:00.000+08:00

Damn you.
Don't you dare act like you know me alot.
I detest people like you.
The you-act-like-you-know-me-alot bastards.
I realised I did the right thing when I decided not to help you.
Who the hell are you anyway?
Do I even call you a friend? Another ass trying to sweet talk me.
You are just simply trying to make use of me. I look innocent to you?
I am not a fucking three year old kid. Why should I be so good to you?
Who are you to demand help from me?
What right have you to scold me "Shit You Lah" and interrogate me like I have to report to you what I do everyday?
What right have you to lose your temper?
I could have rejected your request flat when you asked me the first time.
I DO NOT OWE YOU ANYTHING.
To think I even considered taking time out just to help you.
To think I tried to help you that day.
To think that I even apologised.
One less friend like Y.O.U doesn't make a difference.
Hell yes.

I am You

2005-04-20T23:45:00.000+08:00

I love you
I hate you
I envy you
I despise you
I need you
I want you
I poisoned you
I corrupted you
I created you
I destroyed you
I cherished you
I hurt you
I healed you
I persuaded you
I let you
I am you.

Loneliness

2005-04-20T19:56:00.000+08:00

Once upon a time,
I may have wished you'd be my prince.
But now,
I realise it's never possible.
Not now.
Not in the future.
Never.

Animal Lover Me

2005-04-15T13:49:00.000+08:00

An Auntie who is an eclub member popped over here yesterday with a Jack Russell pup in her hands. I got to admit, there and then, I almost knelt down on the floor and kowtowed to her. In a sincere bid to plead for one of the other pups in the photo she so proudly showed to us. I almost wanted to stuff that pup right into my pocket and not give him back.

I miss my rabbit. If not for the re-occurence of Dad's asthma, we would probably still have her. My darling Bit-Bit. Then I would have the chance today to show her off to everyone. I remember handing the whole cage to Mum's colleague with her nibbling cheerfully on the carrot toy I bought for her. The sad thing was she didn't seem sad. Not like us. Both Bro and I were devastated. But of course practicality came first. If you have no means to really provide for a pet, the best is not having one.

It was nice to watch her grow from a small bunny to a gigantic one that we couldn't catch at all. Everyday with her was an experience. She is unique in every way. From the way she likes to wriggle her nose to the way she acts cool like a drama mama when she does something wrong. Sounds like a real diva aye? She can bite at the newspaper into shreds until her shit spray in all directions over the kitchen floor and yet she is still unrepentant. When you let her out of the cage in anger to whack her, she hops coolly to one side and acts nochalant. Not only that, she is such a glutton. Keep all the food in her yellow bowl and she eats it all up. She doesn't know when to stop. In fact, she sunk her two front teeth in Dad's finger when he was trying to pour out food into the bowl. I guess she can't really tell the difference. Dumb greedy rabbit.

But still, I love her to bits. No matter how happy she is now with her new family, I still get a slight tinge of jealousy whenever I think she had to leave us for a then 13-yr old boy who was and still is in love with rabbits. I can never fathom the fact a boy could love rabbits more than dogs. Never.

Flipping through the SPCA adoption gallery, I miss the feeling of having pets. If only we didn't have asthmatic histories. How I Wish.

Media Whore

2005-04-14T13:02:00.000+08:00

Steven Lim the-street-eyebrow-plucker cum Singapore-Idol-Fool wants to be a star.

http://ch8.mediacorptv.com/around8/events/view/610/1/.html

Like, give me a break.

I respect his determination but sometimes, talent DOES really count.

Love at First Sight

2005-04-06T22:52:00.000+08:00

Love at First Sight
by Wislawa Szymborska

They both thought
that a sudden feeling had united them
This certainty is beautiful,
Even more beautiful than uncertainty.
They thought they didn't know each other,
nothing had ever happened between them,
These streets, these stairs, this corridors,
Where they could have met so long ago?
I would like to ask them,
if they can remember -
perhaps in a revolving door
face to face one day?
A "sorry" in the crowd?
"Wrong number" on the phone?
-but I know the answer.
No, they don't remember.
How surprised they would be
For such a long time already
Fate has been playing with them.
Not quite yet ready
to change into destiny,
which brings them nearer and yet further,
cutting their path and stifling a laugh,
escaping ever further;
There were sings, indications,
undecipherable, what does in matter.
Three years ago, perhaps
or even last Tuesday,
this leaf flying
from one shoulder to another?
Something lost and gathered.
Who knows, perhaps a ball already
in the bushes, in childhood?
There were handles, door bells,
where, on the trace of a hand,
another hand was placed;
suitcases next to one another in the
left luggage.
And maybe one night the same dream
forgotten on walking;
But every beginning
is only a continuation
and the book of fate is
always open in the middle.

Facial Horror

2005-04-04T12:16:00.000+08:00

Let me warn you of the perils of going for a facial.
Mother dragged me to a spa today for a facial. She said I needed one, and after long bouts of reluctance, she just signed me up. And I didn't even have the chance to DISAGREE. So in between torrential rain storms today at Cityhall, we braved soaked bottom halfs and splashing puddles and arrived the the Body Wellness Spa. Mother is a member of that spa, if you're wondering. So then, I was going to have the facial while she went for her massage.

1st peril: Slippery Charles and Keith slides that came off 4 times and had me running back like a moronic idiot to slip my feet into it in world record time before the traffic red man appeared. One side almost got drowned by murky rainwater and I couldn't find it for a minute.

So we reached and my facial was going to start.

2nd peril: Having to strip and wear this balloony tube skirt thingy with black flowers over my chest. Had a good laugh at myself when I took about 20 seconds to figure out how to wear it. I initially put it over me with only my head sticking out like a sore thumb and I was like "Errr...how am I supposed to wear this thing?!! Like this?" Then my beauty consultant explained that I had to pull out my arms and wear it like a tube top. I was enlightened immediately. After which I had to pull it up occasionally because it seemed to be sliding down from my boobs. It wasn't even a dress! I looked like a bloody hotair balloon with struggling fingers trying to keep the cloth from sliding south.

Then came the facial. Nice and cooling. And relaxing. Lots of masks and creams. Smell of vanilla beans and almonds clogging my nostrils. Till the squeezing of blackheads and pimples came. Which brings us to peril number 3.

3rd peril: IF U WANT TO GO FOR A FACIAL, be prepared for P.A.I.N. My face felt like it was on fire. Luckily my pain threshold is quite okay. The beauty consultant used this needle like tweezer thing to force all my pimples and blackheads out. It was especially searing on the nose. For a moment, I thought the bridge of my nose would just break and shatter at the way she was attacking it. And she said it would be A LITTLE PAIN. Yeah. Right. My fat arse. I thought my skin was going to tear into shreds from the needle. Believe me. The pain was bearable but it was definitely NOT A LITTLE. It's 5 times worse than waxing.

4th peril: So I underwent 20 minutes of practicing my pain levels and pretending I was meditating. After the trauma, she proceeded with a neck and shoulder massage. It was pure bliss until she pressed and twisted and I-dunno-what and I thought I heard my bones go "CRACCCKK!" Stupid me didn't stop her and yell to her that her hands are made of metal plates but my bones are just made of.....er fragile bones. Dislocation and neck cast were flashing across my head each time she used those metal fingers on my neck.

Finally the last part came. More gels and masks and creams. And a few swift powerful karate chops on my back completed the 1.15 hour facial. Up to this point of time I'm writing this, my face is still tender and my shoulder blades hurt. But I can tell you, I'm sure to be going for more in the future. All this is a small price for the sake of beauty.

At least I know what the poking part will be like the next time. The moral of this story is I am definitely not the massage-y type. Knead my neck and I'll poke your eyeballs out. I promise.

Sick AGAIN

2005-03-28T12:21:00.000+08:00

What is wrong with me? My head is pounding non-stop and I feel weak all over. I think I am sick again. It feels like there is a war going on in my brain.
Damn the stupid haze. It has been so smoky I wake up everyday thinking it's either going to rain or my corridor caught fire. It's going to bring on my asthma I tell ya.

:(

Life is so fragile. One minute you're alive, the next, you could be dead. If God decides to take me away some day, do not grieve for me. I'll be safe somewhere else. Perhaps death is one of the greater mysteries of life....we'll never fathom it. Only God knows.

New Skin

2005-03-24T00:18:00.000+08:00

I spent some time editing this skin and adding my own song and finally its done. Hope you guys like this new skin. Haha. Give me your comments okay?

Fustration

2005-03-21T11:55:00.000+08:00

Spent hours chatting and gossiping on the phone with dear Kitty last night from 12am till 2.30am. Let's just say...we talked about very interresting stuff and people. Haha. And we definitely had many a good laughs. Dissing a certain Mr Perfectnito. It was the first time we did it and we ENJOYED IT!!! And we also talked about sex issues. And giggled like mad cow cubs. Or are they called foals? Nonono. Ehhhh....calfs? Haha. It was a nice time because we laughed about Mr Mush-room Fingers and I felt better after confiding in her. Lots of issues that I wasn't happy about. I had to speak to someone. But thank you Kitty Cat, let's have another round again another day. :0)

Woke up today with the officer-in-charge's voice stuck at my ear. She kick-started my day in absolute horror. The voice over the line told me that "my printed results" for the communication course couldn't be accepted. And that they were sending it over to the US by 5pm. So if I couldn't get the OFFICIAL RESULTS, then I would have NO exemption and would be treated like a O Level Student. Thus, gone will be the chance to save at least a few thousand dollars. I shot out of bed like a rocket immediately.

I was in ultimate fury. I was practically screaming into the phone, "What do you want? That is all we NYP have!!!!!!!!!!!!!" This won't do, that won't do too. I was thinking, "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT THEN?" I went to school specially last week to get my result transcript printed out and there she was, telling me they couldn't accept it. I seriously contemplated there and then to bash my skull against the wall til I died, convulsing in fits and frothing at the mouth.

I was already letting out an array of expletives when I called Peizhi to ask that skinny man by the admin office counter to enquire for me. He told her SIM had no problems receiving the transcript and that NYP couldn't give out official certs till we graduated. I was really at my wit's end. ONE person says can, the OTHER says cannot.

So what is the middle person supposed to do? I decided, for the sake of my future, that I would rush down to NYP in my sexy frizzy just-woke-up-in-bed hair, oily spongey skin, camel's breath and husky voice to ask that skinny toad to speak to my officer. I was really, really, really annoyed.

I then called Mom. She then called officer-in-charge in anxiety. It was only after 20 minutes, the whole story unfolded. It was all a misunderstanding. When Dad passed my transcript to the customer service officers on Friday, officer-in-charge was on leave. Apparently they did not pass it to her. And I THOUGHT SHE WAS BABBLING TO ME ABOUT THE TRANSCRIPT!!!! WHEN SHE WAS REFERRING TO THE PRINTED ONE FROM THE WEB. Dad in his room was treated to a string of yelling and fustrated screaming, "FUCKING PEOPLE! THEY NEVER CHECK PROPERLY !!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!" And there I was, tears of fustration almost springing out, and there came the news from Mom that it was actually a misunderstanding. Dad told them specifically it was meant to be URGENT. But officer-in-charge told me they kept it for fear of losing it till she came to work today.

In the end, she called me back to tell me that she had received it already. No worries.

Hallelujah.

Clown Face

2005-03-18T16:36:00.000+08:00

Haha. There has been requests for me to write my blog entries these days. So...er, due to popular? demand, the clown is back.

Recently, I don't know what's wrong. People have been laughing at me. They actually think something that you consider a crisis "laughable". Or maybe I am born to be a clown. Clown Faceeee.

Or maybe they just derive pleasure and joy at laughing at THE BORN LOSER. A person like me who never has luck whatsoever since birth. Wait. I can hear the sound of sharpened knives from afar. I sound ungrateful, do I? With the tsunami and what-not.

Life has been strife. Acceptance into SIM-Bachelor of Arts in Communication wasn't some surprise. And Zhi got her rejection from NTU-MOE Teaching course. At least she got rejected. I don't even have the chance to be rejected. No letter from them at all. NIL.

I really don't know whether to laugh or cry or do both. Mom says no news is good news. But I really doubt so. Compare Zhi's excellent result transcript with mine. Mine really pales. What right have I to get accepted? Probably they didn't even want to bother to reject me.

It went straight into the waste paper basket.

Sometimes, I feel so sorry for myself.

Okay. Please don't laugh. Please.

Sick Sick Sick

2005-03-05T17:35:00.000+08:00

Apologies for the sudden absence.
Today is Saturday. In total I took 3 days of MC for this unknown virus that's hitting me. Doc says its the flu, but if by tomorrow I still have fever, I must go back to him. He says I got the same symptons as an urine infection virus.

WTH.

Been battling big bush fires in my body for 3 days now. Parents a little worried initially because Bishan has got dengue. Past days has been hell. Never been sick for so long. Worse thing is, I can't, for some reason, get to sleep at night. Now, I am practically drowning myself in water to save the trip to the docter's again. DON'T TELL ME SCARY STUFF LIKE URINE INFECTION. SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME. I have been worried since yesterday.

God, save me.

Everyday is a New Day

2005-03-01T11:18:00.000+08:00

Nothing has been happening pretty much, except for...dear Kitty finally picking up the pieces of her life and getting a new love. I'm so happy for her and I'm sure the rest will be too.

To AMI: YOU BETTER TREAT HER RIGHT OR A PACK OF HUNGRY WOLVES WILL COME AFTER YOU.

This woman has been in seven heaven and cloud nine and..and...all she does recently is "my baby my baby my baby", or "my dear my dear", or "my ami my ami". Haha. That is definitely a woman crazy in love.

All I want to say here is.....

Congratulations on your new-found status..indulge in it, but...don't forget us your friends.

Love You.

Wheelchair

2005-02-24T20:30:00.000+08:00

I have a spiffy new toy. The family got a cute blue and white checkered patterned wheelchair for Grandpere yesterday. When I got home, I took a whiz around the house, flexing those arm muscles. There was a little coordination problem, but the experiment went well. After 2 minutes, I got the hold of it and I was wheeling myself around and getting all excited.

But....

The irony of it all comes at a costly price. Grandpere's health.

I pray everyday God will make him better.

Why can't I be Happy?

2005-02-23T11:08:00.000+08:00

Hard to express feelings in me lately. So much has been going on in my non-existent life. And I thought I was a hermit-ress devoid of any social dwellings for 3 months. Our lives have been turned topsy-turvy since last week. All of us don't say it, but I can see the exhaustion written across. Maybe....burden is a better word. Shifts are taxing on both body and mind. His condition is deteriorating. I guess...maybe he just knows his time is going to be up.

Work has been lengthened from 12.30pm-10pm. Unwilling but I have to do it regardless of snow, cyclones or tsunamis. It's just another 9 weeks. I CAN DO IT!

Wonder how will our maid look like? Feels weird seeing some stranger sa-shaying around my house. No choice.

Why can't I be happy?

Happy 2-0 to Menotttt

2005-02-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

Grandpere can't remember what happened. I think he just wants to get home quickly and resume his beloved job as a jaga for our home door. He actually looked BORED that day in hospital. But that's the thing you see. HOW INTERESTING CAN IT GET IN A HOSPITAL?!?! There's not even a potted plant in sight for him to stare at. Obviously the other patient opposite him in machines and drips is not much considered scenery.

Police came for a interview yesterday. I heard from Dad silly Grandpere kept insisting he slipped and fell in the toilet because it was S-L-I-P-P-E-R-Y. Grandpere is really sweat-inducing sometimes I can actually see those black crows flying past him in imperial salute.

Anyhow, Aunt explained to police my grandpere's memory is not that good, so I think in the end they left with not much of an interview. Latest update is that they are sending Grandpa for physiotherapy today. Because after this incident, bro says Grandpere is walk-a-phobic. So the doc recommends this treatment to help him recover back his strength in walking.

The funny thing is that Grandpere still has great manly pride in him. Bro said last night Grandpere refused to pee in the bottle and pushed it away from bro repeatedly. He insisted like a spoilt little kid that he wants to make a trip to the loo. In the end, bro had to wheel-chair him and help him with his pants.

Such tantrums eh.

The Day Grandpere got Lacerated

2005-02-17T00:13:00.000+08:00

Started the Wednesday in style with a loud "BOOM!!!". I was still snoring then. And I was reluctant to wake up when I heard that huge blast of a sound. I merely dismissed it as probably a suicide case or a machine letting out a huge fart. Until 2 minutes later, a huge commotion was going on and Dad flung open my door, announcing, "Grandpa has fallen down."

Immediately, I was wide awake and I literally sprung out of bed. Thank goodness I didn't trip and fall flat on my face. Discovered Grandpere lying down on the dining room floor with a pool of blood oozing out at an alarming rate. From then onwards, I was in panic mode. A little in shock. Seeing my grandfather lie there, MOTIONLESS. Only realised he was still conscious when he was blinking his eyes. Heaved a huge sigh of relief. But his face was turning a shade of deathly white. Started to call the ambulance with trembling fingers when Dad and Grandma wiped at his blood frantically with tissues. TISSUES. This shows they were also as panicky as I was. Imagine wiping at a POOL of blood with tissues. That wouldn't help much, would it? Dad wasn't much help at calling for help either. He was just too un-calm to remember the number. But I did. 995. And when they answered, I was like "Hello? Is this the ambulance service?". DUH.

Luckily, they realised the folly of their ways and changed their strategy in the form of a thick towel and started putting it under Grandpa's head to stop it from bleeding like a broken faucet. Managed to give the ambulance people a proper address. After that, I called the relatives to let them know. Including bro. Who said I sounded like there was only me and Grandmere and Grandpere at home. DUH. I was already a little incoherent in what I was saying. I thought he was going to slip into unconsciousness. That's why I was chattering non-stop to him in a bid to keep him awake in case he felt sleepy. Miraculously, he could still talk to us. But being a Centurian by NRIC and an accurate 95 year old senior citizen, his memory sucks. He can't remember how he fell.

Ambulance came and did their job. They deducted Grandpa had hit his head on the store room door hinge and that's why he got lacerations and red liquid squirting out from the wounds. The towel I was holding to his head got soaked and onto my hands. And Grandma's clothes were stained. Looked as if we actually commited a murder. After they bandaged Grandpa's head into a dumpling and found out his BP and heart rate and everything was okay, they stretchered him down. Then police officers knocked at our door and asked what happened. LET ME TELL YOU.
THERE WAS NO FOUL PLAY EXCUSE ME. Haha. But it's their job anyway. When Dad got hit by a shelter-cock in his eye in a freak accident during his badminton game years ago, the police visited him too.

Up till now, Grandpere has no recollections or whatsoever of his fall. He kept insisting he didn't fall. Dad, who didn't know whether to laugh or cry, said to him "If you didn't fall, then what are you doing here in hospital?" Amazingly, the patriach was okay only for the 2 lacerations that needed stitching. HALLELUJAH. When you ask him what is he doing in hospital, he just exclaims like a cute little boy, "To test blood." He really can't remember.

To us. It's really a blessing. How he fell with such a huge thump but no concussions nor fractures. So strong for a 95 year old who has outlived almost everyone. Grandpere is just so blessed. No wonder we call him "The Immortal".

As for me, well....a good ending to an eventful day. A wake-up call again to cherish my loved ones. At 12pm last night, bro trudged into my room and announced that the towel he was wearing over his waist was the towel that was used in the mission to save Grandpere. He had just used it to wipe his hair and face and whole body. He only realised it was THE towel when it looked familiar. He said he was creeped out and feeling a sense of deja vu.

All I said to him, engrossed in my CSI novel, was- "Oh...good for you then. Night."

Office Alone

2005-02-15T18:58:00.000+08:00

So here I am, left alone in this place. Manager has abandoned me for a wedding dinner I suppose. But technically, she leaves at 6pm everyday. She has already done me a favour by staying till 6.30pm to see if poor forlorn Dionne needs help. Hopefully, there won't be many challenges in the form of devilish evil customers by 10pm. I'm praying that I will be left utterly desolate and alone in my own peaceful world without them spewing jaw-dropping questions at me. ME, who is only on my 4th day. ME, who still doesn't know much about those horrid computer courses they have. Alas, I'm left all alone to defend my territory. FINE.

SyaSya apparently had a great time shopping today. It's off for her. That lucky animal. She just knows how to step on my toes.

Anyway, I think God will make my life here smooth. Won't he?

Mmmm. Okay, let's strike a bargain. At least for today. Please?

Happy Valentine's

2005-02-14T11:44:00.000+08:00

Today is the day when couples go kera-zzay with love. But personally, it's a moment where restaurants and florists have a field day with their pockets bulging with thick wads of notes and their moustachios twitching with glee. Valentine's Day sadly, has become too commercialized nowadays. Who can actually put up their hands and tell me the true meaning of how V-day came about? Without searching the internet of course you twit. If you can, let me know. I'll owe you a lolly bouquet. For the record, I KNOW.

Work at the busy e-Club goes on as per normal later @ 2pm. Bulk of new year ang pows went to massive handphone bill. I supposed I have already emphasized on the mediocracy of meagre amount many times. Annoyed with the miserly amount from CLOSE RICH relatives. Is that how our direct relationships are about? $4?!?!?!?

Went to the gym twice this week to work out those depressing kamikaze calories conceived during the pigging out. Only managed a 300 calorie decrease despite me being drenched with sweat and feeling like my limbs were fading away.
No pain no gain. I just have to work harder. Pfffftt.

Browsed through some cookbooks by the naked chef Jamie Oliver and Nigella Lawson. Decided to see if I can steal any of their recipes and try out sometime. Mouth went totally wet when spotted a recipe on Southern-Beach Fried Chicken. If I could put this picture up, all of you will drool with me. Stamp plus chop plus sign CONFIRMED. I have been reading all these recipe books in a bid that my inner domestic goddess will surface and I can use all this great cookery skills. But...I'm just too lazy. I admit. Watching them cook on Discovery Travel and Living is much more pleasing.

For now, I'll sign off and wait for time to pass. Anyone who wants to date me? Forget it. I'm working till 10pm Mondays to Fridays.

Mundane Life

2005-02-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

I'm confined between four walls with freezing igloo temperatures ranging from 18 degress celsius to 19 degress celsius. I think I need some faux fur around here. And some mittens and ear muffs please.

2nd day of attachment at Bishan North CC E-Club. Have to wear this enormous black tee that nearly hangs to my knees. Someone just throw me a belt and I can get jiggy wit it like a 70s dancing queen on Saturday night fever. Goodness. Do they think Singaporeans are mixed hybrids of a damn giraffe and an elephant?!?! The M is like an XL and the sleeves are at my elbows. Ridiculous. It's not as if our school TAF clubs aren't producing maximum results. Or maybe they just think we eat like bottomless pits with no stomach and no degestive system and no buttock. But the thing is, they have GOT a point. They can't possibly make a giant of a guy squeeze into a small tee. It's supposed to be A TEE-SHIRT, not a silly LEOTARD. But I look preggers in this E-Club maternity dress. *Sigh*

At least the environment is quite pleasant around here. Nice fresh dewy air. Can walk around Bishan Park if I want to. And I can even blog in "my own" computer lab. How nice. Thank God for the part-timers around here. I rather spend my time doing Flash. I LOVE FLASH!

This year's red packet collection is mediocre. As usual. Getting worser and worser as I grow older and older. Stingy misers! I shouldn't expect so much anyway...but only $260 up till last count?!?! It's at least a hundred lesser. Well...God taught us to be grateful, so.....Hmmm...erm...too bad for me then. Better than nothing.

Oh yes, I remember now. About the freezing air-conditioning.

I can actually adjust the bloody temperature. Gee.

Miss all of you. My Loves.

Fish Market

2005-02-01T10:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday Blk L Lab339 was turned into a wholesale fish market when the new batch of students came in. From our freezing, quiet, serene environment, it is now turned into a place where fish mongers trudge around in scaly boots and gather, gossiping like women. People laugh like it's nobody's business. Hello? This is a goddamn lab. Not some market.

I am developing claustrophobia whenever the new students crowd around me and fixed all bluging eyes on my computer monitor screen. I DO NOT LIKE PEOPLE OBSERVING ME!!!!

And they asked me so many questions like I have a PHD in Flash. But can't blame them though. Compared to me, they know peanuts about it. I think even books wont help. The only thing they can do is to look at our work and explore themselves. Flash can't be solved only by reading.

Tomorrow, my fate awaits me. I thought my attachment company called me. It turned out to be Microsoft asking me to go for a seminar. Christ!

And my wasted heart was beating away madly. I thought it was THE DAMN COMPANY!!!!
I just have to wait for tomorrow then. I'm already feeling jittery. I don't think I can sleep tonight. I will be worrying and stressing myself and counting sheep to death on my bed.

Oh boy oh boy.

Stalkers

2005-01-26T09:32:00.000+08:00

stalker: n 1: someone who walks with long stiff strides 2: someone who stalks game 3: someone who prowls or sneaks about; usually with unlawful intentions.

You know, the in-thing these days are stalkers. Sya has 2. Holy shit. One keeps proposing to her, the other is like HER SHADOW. Yikes! It didn't seem like a coincidence. Why in the hell didn't he call her? Instead he just sat there and observed....well, US. And we were all beside him! Some people are downright creepy. Sya, heed my advice. Sever his love for you or something. Or else......he might just send you pink roses covered with his blood everyday. Meeeps! Besides, you don't like M do you?

Some people are just sadistic. Obsessed. Thank god I don't have a stalker. It's quite scary when a guy messages you "Hehe. I Seee Youuuuu...." but for a fact, he never appears. Die Sya, he is really going to NYP to look for you!!!!

The thing about stalkers is that they hardly know when to stop unless their infatuation for you is just some puppy love bullshit.

Finito.

Week 11

2005-01-24T09:50:00.000+08:00

Oh hell. For more updates of my latest escapades, see fellow adventurer SyaSya's blog. LOL. It's a monday and I'm absolutely sluggish and wormy. But it's week 11. Drats! Two more weeks to go and it's going to fly in a blink of an eye! Not really in a mood to write, so am just going to give a short short summary. Cool?

Last Thursday: Led Telok Kurau SS students around school. Saw some potential woman-NMPs for our future cabinet. Look at the way they shout and boss their classmates around. It's quite impressive. Had quite a fun time with them. And there was this Singh who kept asking me and Sya "Where are the neoprint booths? I wanna take neoprints!". Erm...cute.

Friday: Rotted at home. Almost became a kambing.

Saturday: Met Jess, Radzif, Shaf, Fikk, and Hidayah and dear Kitty. Finally saw Fikk in person! Eat more will you! So skinnyyyy. Haha. Sorry if we were acting like a couple of chimpanzees. We're such a madcap bunch! Went Far-East with Kitty after Open House. We were almost falling outta our seats discussing wads-his-name. Laughing and laughing like some itchy powder got to us. It doesn't help that my laughter plus Kitty's laughter equals to MAYHEM.

Sunday: Had a scrumptious dim-sum lunch. Granny's birthday. Stuffed myself so much almost exploded. Couldn't breathe. Bro was trying to compete with me who could eat more egg-tarts and char-siew pastries. Was wheezing away by the time I ate one of each. Bro went on to eat another 2. Had heavenly mango-pudding to finish off.

In other words, great week. I hope this week goes on just as well. Fate of my attachment still unknown. Will know where I'm posted to on the 4th of Feb.

NYP's Open House: I'm a guide!

2005-01-19T14:46:00.000+08:00

Happy 22th Birthday Sly! *Whoot*. Today was an unlucky day for me. LOL. Lots of interesting stuff happened. My "Vote Sylvester" flag and Sya's "Vote Taufik" flag were thrown away by the cleaner ah-pek. And then the door to a lift closed when I PRESSED DOOR OPEN. I SWEAR. And I was left in the lift pressing the silly button frantically while Syasya managed to get out. The lecturer who got in was looking at me like I was some flasher. And he said "Errr...I think the button's not working..." NYP's lifts are horrible. And then me and Sya were chosen to answer some silly questions when we took a look at the robots at Blk S. We were laughing at the DJ and he picked us. "Yeah those two ladies over here. So happy ah today...laugh and laugh." In the end we won some Subaru stuff. Caps, keychains and NYP pens. He made us say "Hi" to the people there and he asked us some silly questions like "what is the name of this robot with many legs?" I was like "Ah?Ummm umm...er....eh...." And then he asked "What do you think this robot looks like? Which insect has many legs?" "Ah....SPIDER!" And Sya was like "Umm...caterpillar lah!" And then he was like "This two ladies are so cute...one say caterpillar, the other say spider...." And then I was like "Oh yah! Millipede Robot!!!!!" And then he said "At least that's a closer answer..." And me and Sya were laughing like mad I tell you.

Oh well, I can say we had quite alot of fun today. From decorating gingerbread cookies to watching Lionel Lewis on stage.

My Wishlist

2005-01-18T14:52:00.001+08:00

Now, all I want is to be able to go to University with my friends. I no longer desire unneccessary materialistic stuff as much. Because I cannot afford all these kind of things now that I want to go to Australia to further my studies. So I think I will start saving and work for 8 months. Cos' priority is given to bro. At least I can try to help her in a way. My stand on this matter is very important. I must not waver and give in to temptations anymore. February is not far.

I can do it. I CAN.

My Future

2005-01-17T15:09:00.000+08:00

Should I go for the Bachelor of Arts in Communication in SIM? Or should I slog my guts out and save money to go overseas next February? QUT QUT QUT QUT QUT QUT. The Creative Industries Faculty looks like a good and big enough place for me. Lots of space for a mass com/journalism/creative writing freako like me. As well as Menot and Syasya. We were already talking about staying together. And me pleading with them not to feed me kambing. And us talking about how I will abstain from pork. And us seeing each other everyday in the same apartment. Goodness Gracious. Sounds like a bit too early ain't we.

Dorothy is going over in July. And it helps that the campus in Kelvin Grove is new! And the stupid-bro-is-going-overseas-to-study-thing has rubbed off me. And I was telling Mum I want to go overseas too, if Bro is only going for a year an a half cos he has enough credits from BI. Mum says she may have enough money. But still a 2 and a 1/2 year course in Creative Industries is about (according to Menot) $50k for 3 years. Only fees. Of course, going overseas means supporting yourself too. So I think I will go home and talk to Mum about this seriously tonight.

Like Syasya, I will have to start saving if I want to go cos Mum definitely doesn't have enough for both of her kids. If the other 2 are going, then it'll be even more fantastic. Imagine the fun we will have at Kelvin Grove!

But the degree in SIM is $57k for three years. And I will get a degree from University of Buffalo (New York) but with an external on it.

How now brown cow?

Leslie Kwok is HOTTTT.

2005-01-13T13:54:00.000+08:00

Whoah...Leslie Kwok and Julian Hee ARE HOT!!! FRIGGIN BURNING SWEATY SPICY HOTTT !!! Especially Leslie, he's not a CLEO eligible bachelor winner for nothing.
Sya, Siti and me were comtemplating whether to block him and strip off his shirt or just jump out into his path and form a circle with our arms and stop him from going off.

Luckily we were smart, we stood at the place where they walk out. And of course, that means we get "front row seats" and first class view. He is just so damn hot. Maybe we should have shook his hands or something. LOL.

'Nuff said. No more drooling. Haha.

Not feeling too good.

2005-01-12T16:56:00.000+08:00

Fucking Shit. Forgive me for being unladylike and vulgar but I really really need to let off some steam. My head hurts like hell because I stare non-stop at the computer. I don't even want to think about the amount of radiation I am exposed to. Flash MX is interesting but definitely not easy. It's tough when you want to do work but you keep bumping into obstacles. And you can't seem to correct the damn thing because you just suck. BIG TIME. Simple enough.

And the ulcer near my gums is irritating me with the bloody stinging. I feel like using a blade to cut it off before I bite it really hard to numb it. I can't exactly talk properly. All the consonants are missing. It stings especially when it comes to pronouncing the Gs, Ls, Os. And it's only the beginning stage. Damn it.

Bonjela doesn't help. But SALT DOES. Maybe I should go grab a spoonful and rub until I feel like I've gone to hell. I have been eating with one side. But then again, what is an ulcer compared to PMS?

Zilch. Kosong. Nil. Zero.

They say it's tough being a woman, I kind of agree.

Because of You

2005-01-11T11:52:00.000+08:00

I will not make
The same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break
The way you did, you fell so hard
I’ve learned the hard way
To never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way
And it’s not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that’s weakness in your eyes
I’m forced to fake
A smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can’t possibly break
When it wasn’t even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
Because of you
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don’t get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don’t know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I’m ashamed of my life because it’s empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you

by kelly clarkson

2005-01-10T14:02:00.000+08:00

Week 9 is here. Only 3 more weeks to the end of my NYP days. Bye bye NYP.
Something popped into mind when I was running on the treadmill at the gym yesterday. Why do guys like to look in the mirror when lifting weights? I don't get it. Is it some narcisstic reaction or they look into it because the mirror is just in front? They like to check themselves out when flexing their muscles, or rather more like jiggly bits of fat lard.

My brother is fond of this habit too. When lifting weights, he will look into the mirror and lift and the same time. Or maybe I'm just thinking too much....but guys do seem to enjoy posing in front of the mirror...especially when seeing their thick lumpy fats turn into muscle.

Anyway, I'm guilty of this as well. I peek at the mirror when running. Like 4 times in 30 minutes. I dunno why actually. I think I just want to be assured of my size. Or maybe I'm hoping I can drop 2 dress sizes in a finger's snap. Or maybe it's because I'm convinced I'm a size 14 but I wear size 10/12. Or maybe it's because I'm afraid of puffing up into a fat slug the moment I don't catch my reflection.

Or maybe it's because I'm plain paranoid. *Shrugs*

Simplicity and Complexity

2005-01-05T14:57:00.000+08:00

It's Wednesday again. Wow. It's surprising how some young teenagers can speak. Their level of maturity is astounding. Nowadays, it's like a trend how oldies want to be young, and the kids don't want to act their own age. It's just like making something complex when it's simple, and trying to simplify something that's complex.

Let me quote an example. A certain teenager talks to me like he's 30. Impressive. And other teenagers older than him talk to me like they're 13. Hah. Really amazing. It's like teenagers listening to ABBA and BeeGees and the oldies swooning over Britney Spears and Black Eyed Peas. Funny how the world works these days. Mind-boggling.

I was reading About A Boy the book last night. And I realised how achingly true the book is. How it's describing each and everyone of us. I want to grow up quickly and work but most adults would rather study. In a world where so much terror, hurt, and deception lay, sometimes maybe it's better to just hide as a frog in the well then get shot and eaten by humans. Naivete is actually good in a way. Ignorance too. That way, we can all live more peacefully and happily?

I really dunno. Flash MX is hurting my head.

Life is A Bitch

2005-01-04T10:04:00.000+08:00

Before I start rattling off and grumbling about life, my mind reverses back mechanically to the Tsunami. Somehow, I'm feeling a little affected by all those reports on Channel News Asia. The mother watches reports round the clock everyday and being bored me, I sit down and watch with her. And now I'm infected with the dreadful I-feel-like-a-victim-too virus.

I was feeling indifferent and celebrating New Year's Eve with my buddies. Horrible right. And I didn't understand all the hoo-hah. I didnt want to question God's doing. So I didn't bother feeling too depressed. After all, life has to go on. But after days of reading the newspapers and watching those real-lief accounts, I feel Singapore is godamn lucky. We are small and all, insignificant, stars don't even bother coming down to meet their fans, we always yak about Orchard Rd being the only place we can go, about how Singapore has nothing to do, see, touch, taste. We are stuck and we can't travel to other states for vacations like in the US...yada yada yada. But at least we don't get raped like chickens or get gunned down by the mafia every 1 minute. At least we don't get washed away like helpless fishes and and we dont die tragic deaths from natural disasters. At least we don't have plans crashing down on our buildings. At least we don't have Sadamm-esque dictators, only nice Mr President Nathan. At least we are still safe from war.

Okay, now it's my turn to complain. Haha. I hate the world. I hate myself. I hate everyone? Mmmm. I'm starting to sound schizophrenic already. And its only the 4th of Jan. Well well.

Happy New Year. I hope 2005 will be MUCH better.

2005-01-02T19:40:00.000+08:00

It's surprisingly un-2005. It doesn't feel like 2005 yet. But it is. I dunno whether to be sad or happy. I realised that life is really unpredictable. People are unpredictable. I have never known that the amount of trust put into friends can be so immense that I was a little taken aback. I am very glad to have opened my eyes to alot of stuff, as well as being mentally prepared for 2005. It will be another fast year, just like that. God knows what will happen this year huh.

I thank all of you for coming over. Although we didn't have the telecast of the countdown, and there weren't any reports regarding the show, I'm sure we ourselves had quite a blast didn't we? Haha. No Sly, no REAL TAUFIK MTV (the real one will only be released with the album. check: is the one where he works as a waiter in a bar), but we're got each other. I think our relationship has grown stronger yeah?

The Tsunami has taught us lives are fragile, you'll never know when you can go. So the important thing is to learn how to cherish one another and exchange "I Love You's" as often as you can. I know i know. It's so cliched that you wanna just puke your stomach guts out and laugh hedonistically like this is the funniest joke alive, but making sure others know of your love for them isn't funny...cos' when they're gone, you will regret it for life that you didn't tell them.

Look at those people who lost their families. Never will they have the chance to say it. Imagine your family being washed away and can't be found. The worst thing is that they'll never be found cos' either their bodies have disintergrated into the sea or they have been nibbled on like snacks or dessert by marine animals. If it was me, I'll probably want to commit suicide or something.

Happy New Year. Hopefully, 2005 will be a much better year. For us. For me.

The Day Peizhi Asked Me to Join SI2

2004-12-29T10:09:00.000+08:00

Zhi actually asked me to go join SI2 when it comes out again. WTF. That's ridiculous. Thank you for your compliment but I don't think my voice can make it. Maybe won't even get through the auditions. LoL. Or maybe she wants me to go be top 10 or something so that I will get to know Sly, Taufik, Oli and gang later on. Then she can butt in. Haha. Funny joker she.

I asked her to join instead and she was like "I've got no talent....". Right. So what makes her think I've got? Hahahahahaha. My voice how to compare with the others....its not unique like Daphne's..its not suolful like Taufik's...its not rock like Sly's...its not strong like Oli's...I think I've got not enough guts even if my voice is good....I think I will just crumble into a powder when I face the 4 judges.

Peizhi is now a Sly fanatic. Even her bro can't stand her. And it's yours truly that made her a convert. Whahahaaha. Join the club...!

For those who didn't catch the advert on Tv, Taufik Batisah's I dream MTV will be shown on Channel 5 at 12am this Friday. Get the light sticks ready.

Presentation Was such A Breeze

2004-12-28T12:33:00.000+08:00

Damn that stupid China boy! I don't mean to sound mean but he really annoys THE DARN HELL OUTTA OTHERS. During other's presentations, he kept setting time on his stoopid alarm diary for 5 minutes. So everytime someone oveshoots, the alarm will beep non-stop and he will yell "TIME'S UP!!!!" and that shocks the shit out of everybody. And it doesn't help when the next person is preparing and he yells "NEXTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!" God man, this guy really spoils my impression of China chinese.

The worst was when it was his turn. He made all of us present practically spill and shoot saliva out of our mouths like hoses when he said in this HORRID weird fake accent, "Good Morning Everyone! Today I'm presenting this...." and he was clapping his hands for himself. Even the accessor was laughing. I think he really needs attention on himself or he'll just die. Me, Jess and Jun even comtemplated sticking this long electronic device down his throat which looks like a tattoo machine. And he really sucks at picking up girls. He was trying to flirt and start a conversation with this female lab tech but she didnt even bother talking to him. Haha. And he was smiling at her like shooting a toothpaste advert. Don't even try. PLEASE I BEG YOU.

And when everyone were doing their own stuf, he was trying to attract all our attention and see if we're looking at him...and when he ended his presentation, he actually had the NERVE to shout "Thank You All! My presentation is nice right?" And he started clapping and entertaining himself. What a LOONEY.

It's bad enough we always see him around. Thank God we are not in the same lab as him or me and Jess will just bite off our tongues in fustration. Or maybe we'll just murder him and strip him off in anger and hang him upside down.

The guy who accessed us is really good. Cut us ALOT OF SLACK. Thank God for him....it was such a breeze....PRESENTATION IS OVER! We're now in bliss...New Year's Eve...Here we come! PARTAYYYY~

All I Want For Christmas is You

2004-12-24T09:42:00.000+08:00

It's Christmas baby! Yeah

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing
I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas
Is you, yeah

I don't want a lot for Christmas
There is just one thing I need
I don't care about the presents
Underneath the Christmas tree
I don't need to hang my stocking
There upon the fireplace
Santa Claus won't make me happy
With a toy on Christmas day
I just want you for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true
All I want for Christmas is you
You baby

I won't ask for much this Christmas
I won't even wish for snow
I'm just gonna keep on waiting
Underneath the mistletoe
I won't make a list and send it
To the North Pole for Saint Nick
I won't even stay awake to
Hear those magic reindeers click
'Cause I want you here tonight
Holding onto me so tight
What more can I do
Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you
You
Oh-ho, all the lights are shining
So brightly everywhere
And the sound of children's laughter
Fills the air
And everyone is singing
I hear those sleigh bells ringing
Santa won't you bring me the one I really need
Won't you please bring my baby to me

Oh, I don't want a lot for Christmas
This is all I'm asking for
I just want to see my baby
Standing right outside my door
Oh, I just want him for my own
More than you could ever know
Make my wish come true

Oh baby, all I want for Christmas is you
All I want for Christmas is you, baby
All I want for Christmas is you, baby

Merry Christmas! :)

Sleepy and Tired

2004-12-23T15:47:00.000+08:00

-Sigh- I am so terribly sleepy and tired. I definitely need to snooze early today. Spent the whole of last night dreaming of being picked by Taufik to be his first concert in spore's backup singers. He was having a performance at a foodcourt and lucky me and Mum were picked as the last 2. He actually kissed my Mum's hand like those rich aristocrats. Haha. But we were haunted by the other back-up singers because they actually weren't humans, they were spirits to wreck vengeance on Taufik. God, what a night.

It's Looking Alot More Like Christmas

2004-12-22T09:45:00.000+08:00

ASSS. Our Course Manager is now in the midst of lecturing Ling's group. From the time he came in, he was like" Oh...I don't want to listen to your lecture...I just want you to tell me what you've done..that's it.." And his voice travels around the whole lab. Can't he save them some dignity at least. Talk for the whole wide world to hear. And when he finally shuts his trap, and he LISTENS, I though it was a miracle. But..then again..being the ASS, he suddenly said "So you're been talking so much....what have you done? " Gawd man. Jess and I seriously are thinking of stuffing our shoes and slippers down his throat and stop his croaking. And we're starting to panic because he says "You understand or not...MY PURPOSE HERE IS TO MAKE YOUR LIVES DIFFICULT.." See how pompous he is?

When he said that, most of us were sneering like evil wizards. Hail Saruman! They have been standing there for 1/2 hour already. And he's still talking. I gather he's not very happy with their performance. They have only him acessing them. How bout me and Jess? Mr Ong said we have at least 2. Maybe 4. *Gulp* That's really freaky. And he knows his stuff. Dont think he doesn't know and you can bluff your way through. YOU"RE WRONG. Look out for him. Good Luck to all of us. Evil Hitler.

My feathers are plucked. Haha...but they're rather fine..maybe the lady overdid it. Yes...we actually waited for 45 mins. No wonder we were turning into witches, hatching evil plans around a boiling cauldron. Boil Boil Boil! Hahahaha. The girls are having Nafa today. I will go take a look and laugh at them and make them shiver and pee...Hehe.

Its starting to look like Christmas alot these days. Shop Shop Shop.

The Girl Without a Face

2004-12-21T15:27:00.000+08:00

THE GIRL WITHOUT A FACE.

When most parents have a baby, they spend months dreaming about what their bundle of joy will look like. Will she look like mom? Will he have dad's eyes?But for one local Navy family, the birth of their daughter didn't give them the answers to those questions. Their daughter was born without a face. (Click to watch)

I nearly cried when I saw the video. In life, we all need a little something to remind ourselves to be grateful and humble and content with life. No worries if you're aren't as pretty as others...At least thank god you have a face, unlike Julianna. Reflect on this. It makes me appreciate life more. :)

Haha

2004-12-21T13:39:00.000+08:00

Try this guys. It's insanely funny and ridiculous. For entertaining yourselves. Just for Laughs eh.

Your Suicide.. by Konstantine
Your Name/Username
Favorite Number?
Favorite Color?
Gender?
How will you commit suicide?	You will stab a knife through your heart
How many tries will it take?	11
When will you commit suicide?	January 15, 2034
What will your suicide note say?	The munchkins made me do it!

Quiz created with MemeGen!

I'm Sorry and Thank You.

2004-12-21T09:33:00.000+08:00

I'm so sorry. I know I probably said this many times before, but I want to say this again. I really didn't mean to not go for the party even though I agreed in the first place. I know you two sweet people really went through so much trouble to get the tickets. That's why I felt even more remorseful. And I know you were mad at me on Saturday night because you didn't reply my messages. And it didn't help when there was some small misunderstanding between Kitty and me. I cleared it up with her on the phone. I would have gone if there wasn't the dinner. Kitty can vouch for me. I really really really didn't want to disappoint my family cos all of them were counting on me to be present.

And I didn't want to mess up already messed up stuff. You'd understand do you? I was glad when apparently you enjoyed yourselves that night. But after reading your blog, I realised you were still harping on it. And that made all the guilt come back in full force. This is not an entry to make u feel bad too girl for making me feel bad, I just want to...to say something, that's all. And I know you're always very sweet to us. I really appreciate it from the bottom of my heart everything you've done. Thank You.

It's Monday yet Again

2004-12-20T09:43:00.000+08:00

Yesterday had a jap feast at Miramar Hotel. The restaurant's super small, no wonder it's always fully booked. Ate alot alot. Especially the sashimi and ebi tempura. Bagus man i tell ya! But I feel that if I went for the party, I wouldn't regret not going. Haha. My chance to see Sly and Taufik live!

And there weren't many people even. That's very sad. Haha. Never mind. I will force those two to let me see EVERYTHING. I went mad yesterday. I told Kitty to make me jealous. Heck care go grab them or kiss their feet or whatever. But they didn't get a chance to take pics with the boys. Pity.

This week is Christmas week. Nice. Orchard Road was packed last friday. IT was karaaaazzzzyyy. The roads were packed. Couldn't really walk properly. And me being short, I was faced many times with big Caucasian asses smacked right in front.

Went home and begged dear bro to put up the chrimbo (Kitty invented that word) tree with me or we'll never ever get to it. So Father, Brother and I put on our masks. Cos we're allergic to dust and we tend to have sneezing fits once we're exposed. Not good right. Our noses are super sensitive and they are like dust detectors or radars. -Shrugs- So we gotta act like there's SARS in our home. And it doesnt help the tree box is always covered with balls and balls of dust. Ball OK. We were putting the lights when we found out they weren't working anymore. So now my poor tree is barren and empty. Hopefully Mum will get the lights today. So sad. No more irritating Christmas songs with my lights.

School re-opens today. Hate the crowd.

Syasya is a paedophile. She is aiming 16 yr-old young boys. She says the younger the better. Fikk...LOOK OUT!!

Thank You Emilyn

2004-12-18T22:01:00.000+08:00

I have started a new fan-fic after many years. Im back! http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/dionne_wu/
Please support me guys if you have nothing to do and want to read a story. Haha. Emilyn, the writer behind True to My Heart and Forever Came Today has encouraged me to take on another story after the disaster more than 3 years back. Emilyn, thanks to your Sly stories and personal real-life stories, I am now ready to rock and roll to do what I love best: writing. Thanks so much.

Disgusting Blogspot

2004-12-18T16:59:00.000+08:00

Emilyn, Qiuxin, Dorothy, whoever who chances upon this entry can you all drop your blog links at the chatterbox please? URGENT because I've lost all of your links. Blogspot is damn fond of chopping off and deleting most of my code everytime I log in. And my template is left blank and people come to me and ask what happened to my blog. This is seriously annoying everytime I have to redo the template. Seems like the only way is to keep on saving extra copies of my template code to back-up.

Urgh. Now comtemplating whether to go for dinner or the Nokia party tomorrow. My head's in the verge of splitting into two. SLY/TAUFIK or JAP DINNER. I have to make a choice soon. I can't do it.

Rush Rush Rush

2004-12-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

I've been rushing my dateline since morning. Jess and I have to improve from topics 1-4 today for the lecturer to upload onto the school's elearning webby. Like the students will actually read the flash notes. But there's no choice because he needs to upload and WE need to do it regardless of whether the students will read or not. So...there. We can't afford to screw up now and fail this project. NOT NOW ANYWAY. I want to graduate on time.

So I'm taking a break now to rejuvenate myself. I'm so sleepy. And tired. *Yawn*. And I'm craving for some chocolate please. I need to be happy. And these girl in my lab is laughing away merrily/heartily/crazily like some stoopid buffalo while I'm here freezing and depressed, trying to figure out Flash.

God, I really need to chill. No, actually I'm already chilled. In fact, frozen.

Beautiful Day

2004-12-16T09:38:00.000+08:00

It's thursday already. Time just flies huh. End of the week tomorrow. Christmas is so-o-o near. Thank God. I can smell the pine trees and hollys and mistletoes and Santa Claus. Can you? *smiles* Anyone have parties that I can join......

BTW Fikk, my name wasn't there when I went into your blog @12pm ok. Haha. You probably didn't add me until much later when you came home from work right! right right right? Or am I really blind already. I SHOULD PESTER MY MUM FOR LASIK SURGERY WHEN I TURN 21.

Yesterday ended my day at school with a bang watching CSI and CSI:Miami. I am a full convert now. Thanks to Jess who ALWAYS brainwashes me. My favourites are Sara and Greg and Eric. I love Jorja Fox. Especially the Madonna-gap-between-my-teeth look she has. Greg is cute too. I have always a fetish for blondies. Of the male specie. Alan Smith-Nick Carter-Aaron Carter guys make me drool. Perhaps I was too enamoured with Nick during his BSB days. Amazing. Eric from CSI:Miami is darn cute too. But his partner got killed off. Pity.

I just want to say something. I Love You All. All my friends, family, relatives, YOU. You who are reading this now. Thank you for making my days brighter and sunnier. I make it a point to thank people for the beautiful friendships and they always think that I'm dying or suicidal. No. NOT EITHER! I just want to let people know that I really treasure our relationships. Appreciate them alot. Thanks for everything. Making me happy, sad, angry, pissed, whatever. Im grateful.

The Middle of the Week

2004-12-15T09:44:00.000+08:00

Good Morning guys. -Sighs-. IT'S YET ANOTHER DAY. At least I can see a little light at the middle of the tunnel. Today is the day I have to get back to work on my horrid project. Before Mr Ong comes back and sees me and Jess slacking and freezing our butts off in the eskimo land of NYP Blk L Rm339. Anyone free and kind enough to visit poor me....we can chat and crap for the rest of the day...I don't care. Okok, now now Di, you can't be so irresponsible..you'll be setting a seriously bad example for the younger people who read this blog. Like I care. Lol. And the guy beside me watches Sponge Bob somemore with the loudest volume and his favorite character is Patrick. What am I supposed to say?

I was thinking what to do with my life last night. Every day is a tiring day. Imagine having to work with the silly com for 9 hours everyday. I can already see myself wearing super thick pieces of glass when this project semester ends. Heck,I really want to go for lasik. It's only one friggin eye! I hate specs ok. It's pretty uncomfortable to have something sit on your nose, and it feels like some extra shield is in front of your eyes. No wonder I have a habit of wriggling my nose out of a sudden.

Spend most of my time chatting yesterday with friends. Especially with dear Fikk. Haha. quote "Had a funny conversation with an online friend from the S'pore Idol forum.Dionne simply cracks me up with her way of talking. You guys should visit her blog. *points to Links section* Her entry on the Incredibles was damn hilarious. Peanutman.. Muahahahahaa!! Thanks for making my cheeks ache, Dionne." Thanks Fikk, it's nice you mentioned me in your blog. Haha. Thanks for the advertisment. But firstly, LINK ME UP! U forgetful little boy*go read my tagboard or chatterbox or whatever*... I had a great time talking to you yesterday too. Anything you need my help or want to de-stress, come find the clown. OK. Lol. I love making people laugh and smile.

Alright guys. Back to work soon. Looking forward to lunch already. Silly me. Will deliver the gummybears later.

Sugary Tuesday

2004-12-14T14:12:00.000+08:00

Hurhur. How come people are so sweet today. Kitty made me a Xmas card. Home-made. Thats so bloody sweet of her. And to remember the earth,wind and fire cd too. Let's go Cash Converters one day to dig up more oldies shall we? Although her art is not that up to par yet, at least its till lookable and she's proud of them! So why can't I right. Her thoughtfulness is greatly appreciated. Aww.

Finally got my hands on that yearbook. Yey! Sugar Daddy is sweet too. Still bother to find for me. Reminds me of the time he helped me with the "Smoking is Ugly" campaign. Where else can I find such a sweet daddy. So helpful. I owe you a ton of gummy bears, remember to claim from me. I think someone better grab hold of him before he's ours. Hahahahahahahahaha. She had better treat him well or his daughters shall come and haunt her to death. Really.

I had a few good laughs when I saw that photo. Almost unrecognisable. In the most notorious class yet look like a young kid trying to act tough. Now that's cute. Hurhur. But he really looks different.

Hui Leng jie's big day is coming soon and she's really tired. But she's still maintaining that positive attitude. She wants "When I Look Into Your Eyes" and "The Way You Look Tonight" to be part of her wedding song list. That's so...so SLY! Haha. No wonder she wanted them. Wonder what her hubby will say. Hope he won't be jealous and get mad at her. Although I only known her for less than 10 days, she has become a big sis to me. I want to wish her hubby and her many happy wedded years of marriage. And a baby soon!

Confused

2004-12-13T13:56:00.000+08:00

Came across this poem somewhere. Read it and felt sad. Makes me think more about life.

"Now that I see clouds from far away
Just like seeing the future ahead of me
Suddenly my view is broaden
My thinkings widen
I like to see things ahead of mind
Instead of turning backwards
The world outside is full of fun
My future's there, calling me
But pieces of memories held me back, hoping I'd stay"